I have been feeling low energy, fatigued, exhausted and irritable. I usually take pretty good care of myself, but when I start to slip, it can go downhill quick! It might start with a little distraction~ watching endless episodes of bad TV on Netflix or surfing Facebook, staying up to late and then I start to crave sugar or I don’t eat at all, and then I have found I haven’t left the house all day and missed my hike in the woods entirely. Slipping isn’t all bad, it can be fun and nourishing to be in a vegetative state periodically, eating a bit of chocolate and watching some mind numbing TV. But when these things seem to be taking root in my life as habit, I can’t help but think I’m wasting my life! It can be hard to change habits, especially when the habits are helping me avoid something I’m not ready to look at. I think it’s OK to distract myself for a while, especially if I’m not feeling resourceful enough to move through the darkness with a strong sense of myself. So slowly I need to crawl out of the hole I’ve fallen into, finding the resources I need to look at what is REALLY here.
I recently read an article about battling fatigue and it suggested making a list of things that nourish you and things that drain you. Once you have your list, slowly start eliminating the draining activities and implementing the nourishing ones. I would consider this exercise “building resources”, but wanted to take it a step further! I made my list and I can trace most of my drain is coming in the form of screen time, both day and night! During the day, I’m on the computer a bit and it’s easy to get distracted or bored depending on what I’m doing. Before I know it, I’m finding myself going down the electronic rabbit hole, not getting my work done efficiently and ultimately spending more time than necessary looking at my computer. I also can get sucked in at night after my daughter is in bed or entire evenings when she is with her dad.
Here’s the next step with the inquiry. Using a hypnotic technique, of slowing time down moments before I start engaging in my nightly screen habit, I can see I’m avoiding my feelings of loneliness. It’s funny to think I’m trying to avoid my loneliness by watching or surfing the net, when it is actually feeding my loneliness. When I engage in activities that are nourishing I experience a wonderful solitude, which is very different! Enjoying the quiet time, stretching my body on a yoga mat, having a cup of tea, reading a good book, practicing guitar~ all nourishing to my soul! Enjoying the solitude, allows me to be my own best companion in that moment.
Does this mean I won’t ever distract myself or watch a good flix or visit facebook or search for the best article or eat chocolate? Of course not! I am just going to slow time down in the moments before, so I can see WHY I’m engaging in the activity. Is it nourishing or am I avoiding something? Then even if I am avoiding something, I know it and I can decide if I’m feeling up to facing it and feeling it or if a little distraction would be the most nourishing thing to do in the moment, until I’m feeling more resourceful. It’s not about being perfect, it about being intentional. Then no matter what I’m doing, I don’t feel like I’m wasting my precious life!
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