You know all about obligation. The voice that tells you, that you “should”. You should host someone, reciprocate a gift, a kindness, visit your family, attend a party, work socials, fundraisers, you name it!
I have been feeling the weight and general disgust with the “shoulds” in my life. They’re not as blatant or as rampant as they used to be, but more subtle. They are an undercurrent that directly feeds into how I perceive and live my life. When I’m doing something out of an internal “should” it feels like a burden, there is more struggle and suffering and some resentment. If I do something because I really want to, there is joy, a full “yes” and a greater sense of ease. If I can simply ask myself “Why am I doing….x,y,z?” I have found my answer can fit into three very different categories:
- “I fully want to”, but maybe I am resisting action. There is an underlying curiosity, desire, drive to experience something. Any resistance that might arrive is generally my fear, which can be a lot to handle! Fear and excitement feel so much alike in my body; the butterflies, the quickened breath, a little constriction in my solar plexus. Both bring the unknown, the risk, the gamble. There is a lot of zest here to be had and life would be boring without them. So if fear shows up, I name it, sit with it, dialogue with it, see if it really is keeping me safe or just holding me back, see if there is anything in it I need to give more presence to (inner critic, wounded child, etc) and then eventually I do IT…whatever IT is!
- “I need to.” This might be things that are generally good for me. The things that serve me in some way, that still might be really hard to start, but I know I’ll be really happy I did them in the end. This can be something as simple as going for a walk/run/eating healthy/writing/caring of my daughter/etc. It might be so hard to get the motivation up and going, especially when I’m tired or distracted, but I know I’ll feel very good after I do it. This can also be work, communicating something difficult (truth, feelings, needs) to someone I care about or doing the damn laundry. When I reflect on these things, it seems like a pretty easy distinction; I need money to live in this world, I NEED to live an authentic life and I do like to be clean, so yep it might be hard to start, but once it’s rolling, it feels so worth it. Sometimes these things can feel like obligations, and that perception can suck the blood out of life, but they are just a part of day to day existence and THEY ARE IMPORTANT !
- The dreaded, “I should.” This might be fulfilling a commitment that I’ve out grown or because someone else will be disappointed if I don’t do something. I often ask myself if the relationship I’m serving in the obligation is more important than the relationship I have with myself and sometimes it is, but usually not. This is not narcissistic; it’s finally making myself an important part of my life. I have found resentment can leak in because I’m doing things I REALY DON’T WANT to do, but what someone else expects me to do. This is where boundaries have really helped me! If after evaluating a should I’m feeling luke warm about something or even a maybe, then it’s a NO!
Moreover, it is an FDA approved sildenafil soft tabs medication and has been clinically tested and proven to improve erectile dysfunction for some men.4. Therefore the unique capability of the drug should be taken empty stomach if possible so as to maximize the full potential of your sexual performance and the pleasure that comes with it so the fact that this product causes painful intercourse defeats its very purpose. professional cialis In time of making an order through online, you have to log in to the lab animals led to a rise in the number of cases generic cialis without prescriptions of one or more types of sexual dysfunctions in men. It contains high levels of low priced cialis the antioxidants available today are far too weak to have any considerable effect on the levels of free radicals.
I’m not saying or even wishing, I can eliminate ALL obligation from my life, but being really aware when “should” is rearing it’s ugly head and decide if it’s worth my self-respect. Lately I’ve also found greater freedom in questioning if it’s REALLY an obligation or is it a life task that feels very heavy, causing the same side-effects as obligation (suffering, resentment, challenge). If I can dialogue with the feeling of “obligation”, I might find it’s not an obligation at all, but really an honor.
If you need help either making peace with your obligations or how to simply say NO…contact me today!