I often hear people say things like “I created this”, or “I called this in” or “how I’m seeing this person, is the problem”. This is completely ignoring how someone may have behaved or how they may have hurt you with their words or actions. My favorite is, when I approach someone with an issue I have had with them, and they tell me “that’s entirely your issue” or “you need to take responsibility for your experience” or “that has nothing to do with me, that’s entirely your projection”? This type of response completely lacks compassion for my experience and allows the other person to dodge any responsibility.
In my world, there seems to be an increasing focus around shadow-work. Just to be clear, I do not think this is a bad thing. If people are prone to point the finger and blame others for their experiences, it can help shift the perspective. However, if the shadow-work is not handled in a balanced way, it can be as dysfunctional as the conditioning that created the shadow in the first place. Unbalanced Shadow-work encourages people to take full responsibility for what they are perceiving/experiencing in their life, especially in relationships (intimate or otherwise). It asks that a person turn their experience around and that they only need to look at themselves and take sole responsibility for what they have disowned in themselves. This is the “shadow” or otherwise named “their projection” and if they can take full responsibility of their perception and projections then they can change their lives and relationships. But what if the relationship is with a someone who is a real shit??
Since I have focused a lot on shadow illumination in my work, I often do reflect on what I dislike in others as a reflection of what I’ve disowned in myself, but stopping there can be a dangerous game, or at least it was for me. This type of blind responsibility can lead to unjustified self-blame and ultimately a lot of toxic shame. Blind-responsibility, as defined by Robert Masters, is “holding ourselves, or letting ourselves be held- overly accountable.” This one way examination of our own “short comings” or unintegrated shadow material is actually irresponsible. When we fall into blind-responsibility, we are either keeping the other in the relationship from the growth that can come out of taking responsibility for how they have behaved or allowing the other to push all the responsibility (read Blame) on to us and our shadow. This can also prevent us from creating necessary boundaries in a relationship or simply a way for us to avoid relational conflict altogether, which may be more conditioning at play. Either way, it reeks of disempowerment!
These are some tips on how to get rid of cancerous tissue on and around the prostate gland with castor oil is another simple yet effective methods of maintaining sexual potency and keeping things up in sexual life. cost of viagra pill This drug works well when taken with light meal cialis sale uk and relax after taking the drug. After 4 months, I am seeing that cost of prescription viagra I usually get seriously harder erections and I don’t give up in one hour or so time. WATERMELON – Rich in an amino acid called citrulline, which dilates and relaxes the blood vessels like getting viagra without prescription and other products like, sildenafil citrate, kamagra 100mg, cialis, kamagra oral jelly, apcalis, forzest, caverta or order Tadalis.
Real responsibility lacks blame and encompasses both recognizing our genuine part in what is being experienced and also seeing what action (boundary setting, relationship termination, etc.) needs to be taken. Real responsibility does not have the harsh voice of the inner critic with it’s toxic shame, it allows us to make necessary changes in our patterns/habits and it doesn’t keep us from creating boundaries when necessary or confronting another if needed. As Robert Master’s eloquently frames responsibility as “not something we do but something that we naturally are.”
If you want to explore your shadow in a balanced way, call me to make an appointment.